How Fair Play in the Home Can Benefit Your Business (Self Care Series) with Lindsay Dreyer

Have you heard of Fair Play? It’s essentially a system that helps you divide up household tasks fairly, based on your needs. In today’s episode, Fair Play Facilitator Lindsay Dreyer joins us to share how Fair Play in the home can benefit your business. Listen in as she dives into the concept behind Fair Play, the value of our time, and the importance of accountability!

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Guest Bio:

Lindsay Dreyer aka The Joyfulpreneur, is a Fair Play Facilitator, Business Coach and host of Work Life Juggle, a podcast for working moms. She’s been running her own business since 2007, and knows the unique challenges entrepreneurs face when it comes to managing it all!

Lindsay’s passion is helping women entrepreneurs live their dream lives, working one-on-one with her clients to make space for joy at work and at home.

On the personal side, she’s a mom of three who loves to travel in her vintage RV, rescue houseplants, read tarot and dink around on the pickleball court.

Today’s episode is brought to you by my DIY Systems Shop, where you can purchase the exact email, form, and workflow templates that I include inside the CRM Blueprint course. Steal my templates and customize them to match your brand!

Here are the highlights…

[1:36] Meet Lindsay + What is Fair Play

[3:26] Fairness in Fair Play

[7:00] Resources for Fair Play

[11:27] Business Considerations when Exploring Fair Play

[16:55] Everyone’s Time is Created Equal

[23:40] Accountability Meetings

Mentioned in this Episode

Fair Play Documentary

Fair Play Book

Fair Play Card Deck

Fair Play Card Download

Mini-course: Stop Fighting About the Dishes

Connect with Lindsay

www.thejoyfulpreneur.com
instagram.com/thejoyfulpreneur

Review the Transcript:

Colie: Hello. Hello. And welcome back to the business first creatives podcast today. I am chatting with Fair Play consultant, Lindsay Dreyer, Lindsay. Good morning and welcome to

my podcast.

Lindsay: Hey, hey, Colie. Thanks for having me.

Colie: So guys, I don’t know if you guys know what Fair Play is. I’m going to be the first to admit, I had no idea what this was until March of this year, which is 2023. I was in Palm Springs having dinner with some photographer friends, and they started talking about fair play. And I was like, um, what’s that? So we had a conversation about it.

And then I was in person with Lindsay in Dallas for our mastermind retreat with Jordan Gill of System Saved Me. And she told me that she had just become a consultant. And I was like, Oh my God, this is so fascinating. Come on my podcast and talk about it. So Lindsay, in case people are like me. And have no fucking clue what fair play is.

Why don’t you say who you are and then kind of tell us the premise of fair play so that we can kick this conversation

off.

Lindsay: Okay, let’s get into it. So I am Lindsey Dreyer, the Joyfulpreneur. I have been an entrepreneur since 2007. I am also married to my husband, Andrew, and I have three young kids, two, five, and eight. So to say my plate is full is like an understatement. I came about, I know, right? I’m like, so I came across Fair Play a couple years ago, and It basically is a way to run your household, like your most important organization, where you and your partner are co CEOs.

So it is all about lightening the load, because the burden typically falls on women. In particular, if you are a woman entrepreneur with a traditionally working partner, you experience a lot more of the load of childcare and household management. Thank you. And Fair Play is essentially like a system that you can run in your home that it’s a framework that helps you talk to your partner, implement a system, and make sure that you have a fair way of dealing and dividing the labor in your home.

So that’s the nuts and bolts of it, or the down and dirty basic explanation.

Colie: Nice. And I’m glad that you used the word fair. I mean, it’s not that fair isn’t in the word fair play, but I do want to say that I’ve heard you say this before. So we’re going to kick the conversation off with this. You think that saying that it’s 50 50 is bullshit.

Lindsay: It is

Colie: there any households where you feel Like it is actually 50 50 because there is a difference between it being fair or being balanced and it actually being like 50 50 and I would say in my

household, I would

Lindsay: Yeah, it’s all about fairness is a felt experience. So it’s not about, is it equal? Is it 50 50? It’s about, does each partner feel like it is fair? And that’s the key, and like, you’re totally right. It’s also, it’s an ever moving thing. It’s fluid. It’s like, maybe sometimes someone’s sick, so somebody has to pick up more of the load of the household management.

Maybe someone travels for work, and so they also have to do some adjusting. And so, that’s one thing. That is super important and that’s why I like the fair play method is that it gives you a context to have these conversations. It gives you the vocabulary to have these conversations with your partner.

So if you are feeling like it’s unfair, the system you have created in your family is feeling unfair. You have. a guideline for how to talk about it instead of it turning into a fight of you never helped me, I’m so tired of asking you to do this stuff, I feel like I do everything, I’m so overwhelmed, I never have any free time.

Like, it eliminates that resentment and those fights.

Colie: Eliminating the resentment. I know it was funny because when we were in Dallas and we were chatting about like what kind of content we all thought you should put out related to fair play. You came up with, you know, who’s going to wash the dishes. And I always laugh when I see your webinar and like other material related to this, because that is the one thing that I do not do in my household.

I mean, I think I’ve washed dishes, no bullshit twice this entire year. Like I don’t do dishes. And I only did the dishes that time because Chloe didn’t put the dishes away, so James couldn’t do them. So when it comes to like running my household as an entrepreneur, I do feel like We do try to make it as fair as possible, even though I do still carry the bulk of the load, but like, in this house, I have housekeepers.

James does all of the dishes. You know, Chloe has some responsibilities, but like, you and I were talking before we hit record today and I am in totally new territory this year because Chloe is going 2 different schools.

And it requires me to pick her up in the middle of the day, every single day and drive her to her private school. And we have been, I mean, this is the 1st week. It’s actually only day 2, but this is like a new negotiation, not only between myself and the school and myself and my husband, but also with my mom who lives here part time.

Because I think that if I am the one that does it every single day, I am going to start feeling resentful, even though taking her to both schools was like my idea, like I was 100% behind it. But I think now that it’s here. I am realizing how much of a time commitment it is for me. So like in the last few days, my husband and I have been, if you will, like renegotiating what that looks like, what I need from him in order to still run a business.

Cause I think like four days ago, I was like, okay, I think I’m just going to close my business because I don’t know how this is going to work. I mean, I got over that Lindsay. It was only like a very brief like moment where I was like, Oh my God, what the hell am I going to do? But. So where do people start?

If you are someone, and let’s be, let’s be honest, it’s usually the female in the household, usually the entrepreneur. If you are feeling like things are not fair, where do people start? To have this kind of conversation with their spouses or their partners.

Lindsay: Such a good question. So the best place to start is I think educating yourself on what Fair Play is and just how do the logistics of all of this work. And so it’s educating yourself before you have the conversation with your partner. And so I recommend they have the documentary called Fair Play.

There’s a book called Fair Play. I also have my mini course, Stop Fighting About the Dishes, which gives you a super brief intro on it and how to talk to your partner. it’s really helpful to start with something that’s not controversial in your home. So, Fair Play consists of a hundred cards of the most common household and child care tasks.

And I would order that deck, or you can download them for free. I will give you guys a link for that too, and you can cut them and print them. But it basically gives you all of the things that you deal with in your household and if you have children with child care. So, just becoming familiar with the mental load and all the invisible labor or visible labor that goes into running a home, caring for children, and this also applies to elder care, which is a super big one now, like we’re a sandwich generation where I have young children and we also have my mother in law who is Suffering from memory loss, and so we’re also dealing with that on our shoulders.

And know that it’s not just if you have kids, it’s also if you’re caring for our aging parents, too. So. Getting familiar, then chatting with your significant other, about something that’s not controversial. So like, let’s say that I feel like this is very gender normative, but let’s just say like auto maintenance is something that your significant other does and does well, like they’re, they’re on top of doing the oil changes, making sure the cars have gas, like that the tires are rotated, like all that good stuff.

So that’s something that you could bring up where you’re like, Hey. I’m going to pretend that I’m talking to my husband. Hey, Andrew. I’ve been learning about this new thing called fair play, and it’s all about how we run our household. And I am curious to get your thoughts on it. So. It basically takes all the things you and I do in our home and also caring for our kids and your mom.

And it’s a way to like break it all down and make sure that it’s fair. So one of the things is auto maintenance, which I know that you do a super great job on, but let me explain to you how that is viewed in the context of fair play. So there’s the conception of it, which is obviously we have two cars, so we need to take care of that.

Um, there’s also the planning. So making sure that you have the appointment scheduled that we know exactly what needs to be done. then there’s execution of it. It’s actually like making the appointment. Monitoring the life left on the oil, all of that good stuff. And I will say, you do an awesome job of it!

Like, I’m actually always really happy with the way that you, like, manage the cars in the household. So what’s really cool about this is, like, we can basically go through everything in our home and get on the same page about everything that needs to be done. So that’s like a not controversial topic, and I definitely recommend starting there.

Like, don’t start with something that you guys like fight about a lot. Start with the cards. that you kind of feel like are fair, that you already are on the same page about, and that will help you build the rapport with your significant other to then tackle the things that are a little more controversial or a little more sticky.

So hopefully that answers your question in a very long winded way.

Colie: I don’t think it’s long winded. I mean, I’m absolutely fascinated. And one of the reasons, because I know people are like, okay, but Colie, isn’t this like a podcast for like business owners? And it is. So I want to ask you a question related to like the actual businesses that we run. So if we are running a business, What, what considerations do we make for the business before we start to have these conversations with our significant other, because I feel like, you know, I’m in a good place where I understand what my business demands.

I understand that the time that I need in order to run it and like, you know, the tasks that I need to do. And I know that it’s like all about flexibility. Cause you and I were discussing this, like, you know, I’m going on two work trips next month. And I’m trying to make sure that everything is taken care of, that my husband.

You know, has the time to kind of fill in the spots when I’m going to be gone. But like, what do people do if they don’t have a really good handle on what their business needs? Do they need to look at their business first and then look at their household? Or do you start with the household and then you like mold the business?

Tasks after like, because I feel like this is two different things because I understand that fair play is about dividing up the household, like chores, if you will, the ideas of running your household, caring for your children, all of those things. But, like, in this house, my business is such a big part of it.

I feel like I have to focus on that 1st, so that I know what it needs in order to thrive. And then I can go and have the conversation with my husband of okay, James. This is what I’ve got going on this month. This is what I need your help with. So, is that a good way to approach it? Or should we approach the household first?

Lindsay: Okay, love this question, and I am going, the short answer is it depends. But, here’s why. Fair Play is all about giving you back time and energy in your life. And in your body as a human, so I think whether it’s business or at home that time and energy savings or like you’re, you’re not getting depleted, you can invest that wherever you want.

So if you’re going to invest that back into your business, that’s awesome. If you’re going to invest that back into your self care, that’s amazing. If you’re investing that into your relationships. That’s awesome too. So I think it probably comes down to where do you feel like you don’t have enough time and energy and what buckets aren’t getting enough attention.

Like what parts of your life are feeling like empty or like you are running, yeah, like your tank is running on empty. So it’s like maybe you just have never had time to hang out with your friends. That like really fills your cup. That’s, you need time, more time. You need more energy to be able to like have those emotional connections with them.

So. I personally think my motto is business success starts at home and I really think that if you can free up that time and emotional energy that you’re investing on running your household, caring for children, caring for your elders. That is going to help you figure out. Where those deficits are, like, is it that you need to invest more time in your business?

Maybe you don’t. Maybe your business is fine and you’re happy with where it is, and maybe it’s more of you need to have that free time to pursue your physical health, your mental health. Maybe it’s You want to be able to spend more time with your partner and not feel like you want to kill them. So it’s like, I think it’s like all of those pieces are important and it all starts with freeing up some of that time and energy.

And so it’s like, I think fair play is perfect for people who just feel like they’re doing it all and they don’t have any room for themselves.

Colie: I mean, I don’t know how this is the first time that I thought about this, Lindsay, but fair play is just a system.

Like it’s

Lindsay: Yeah, girl.

Colie: the systems that I set up for entrepreneurs. Like I’ve never thought about it like that. And I mean, we do have systems in this household. Like, you know, James does the dishes every day.

He takes out the trash. I’m the one that orders the groceries. I do all of the cooking. Um, I do all of the ordering. Like, even if it’s like. Carry out or delivery. Like I’m the one that orders it. And I never really thought about the fact that in this household. We all have roles and we all have tasks that have been assigned to us.

And it is true that when I start to feel like I don’t have time to do certain things, like, that’s what I’m asking James. Okay. So what else can you do? And I will say, though. In, in a lot of ways, I am blessed. This is not going to become a conversation about how I tell everyone how awesome my husband is, because I will just say, my husband was not awesome.

Everyone listening when Chloe was young, like there are a lot of reasons that we only have one kid and that is the sole reason. That’s a really important one. Um, I felt like when Chloe was young, I didn’t get the help that I needed. And I take some responsibility because at that point, I was staying at home and he was going to work.

And so I felt compelled to do more than he was because I felt like he was doing so much out of the household. And maybe if I had had something like Fair Play or I had realized how completely unfair it was to me as the person in the household, You know, maybe it would have been better. Maybe we would have had more children, but like once we got over the hump and we did a better job communicating and we did a better job running our household together, that was when I opened my business and then I was putting way more energy and time into the business, but he was kind of picking up the slap to make sure that the, you know, the household didn’t fall apart.

So I do think that. Checking in is a good thing. So is there anything in fair play? Because like this is again, it’s a system. It’s definitely not set it and forget it. Right? So how often should we be evaluating how well our household systems are working for us, you know, on an ongoing basis?

Lindsay: So I want to answer that question, but something you said I want to address because it’s crazy important is that everyone’s time is created equal. And when you are an entrepreneur building your business and you’re not making money. Or you are taking on most of the child care at home, like in that instance, like you were home with Chloe, it, you feel like your time caring for your daughter is not as valuable as your husband’s outside of the home because he’s getting paid for it.

And that is a Really, really serious misconception and myth about time that we have to attack is that your time feeding your child or caring for her, putting her down for her nap is equal to your husband’s hour at work. And that’s something that we don’t intrinsically feel. Like we feel like it’s not as valuable because we’re not getting a paycheck for it.

And so that’s one thing, that’s a mindset shift that women in particular have to get over, is that all time is equal. An hour is an hour. Whether you’re getting paid for it or not. And so that’s a big one. Um, and I’m sure your husband, like, was, like, he wouldn’t have, like, doubted it or, like, questioned you on it.

But it’s like, it’s an internal thing because that’s how we’ve been conditioned as women in this society is that if we aren’t getting a paycheck, the work we’re doing is useless or it’s not valued by society. And that’s really fucked up.

Colie: it’s also in that instance, like, there was a whole mind shift that needed to happen when we moved to Colorado, because when we were in Michigan, I was the breadwinner by so many times that it’s embarrassing to say it. And then we moved to Colorado. And for that 1st year, I was working, I mean, like 30% of what I was working before, but I was still making more than James.

And then once Chloe came, I just quit, like, full stop, did nothing. And so, I, I think it was. It was, it wasn’t just the, my time is as valuable as his. It was that I wasn’t bringing anything in when, for the first, you know, what is that seven or eight years of our marriage, I was the breadwinner. And then we were here and then I made nothing, virtually nothing for the first two to three years of Chloe’s life.

And then I opened my business and it was only like last year, Lindsay. It was only last year. That it finally flipped again to where I’m the breadwinner again, like I do make more than James now. So, but like that was a really long time, seven years, eight years as the breadwinner and then two years of doing almost nothing besides caring for my child, which I understand is very valuable, but then like another, what is that seven years of him still making more than me.

And I owned my own business. So I do think that that was like an important mind shift, but I do agree with you. For me, it wasn’t as much about the money. It was that I was breastfeeding. I was home with her every day. Like, and although he was still doing some of the chores that he does now, it just felt different back then.

Like,

Lindsay: When you have a new baby, he can’t breastfeed.

Colie: Yes, but I wasn’t letting him bottle feed either, but I wasn’t letting him bottle feed either. Like that was, that was the real thing. I was like, he was going to work. And so I should just wake up because I have the boob. Like, why make him wake up and give her a bottle instead of me just giving her the boob?

Because that’s where the milk is coming from anyways. It was. It was a mindset issue that I definitely, I wish I had, you know, addressed it back then I didn’t, I mean, I didn’t really think about how unfair and exhausted I was until when I stopped breastfeeding, which was like 26 months, Lindsay.

I mean, it was, it was a really long breastfeeding journey. And then once she was off the boob, I was like, oh, my God, this is, this is amazing. I should have made James, you know, bottle feed her a long time ago. But yeah.

Lindsay: Yeah, it’s the time and energy. And like, that’s ultimately what it comes down to is like, you just, to have a successful, healthy relationship with your partner, you each have to have enough time and energy. Yeah. To enjoy life. And if you aren’t, and each other, and your friends, and your hobbies, and your interests, and all the things that light you up and make life worth living, and if both of you don’t have those opportunities, that’s when the resentment and the anger And all of that stuff starts to creep in.

So getting back to your question. Yes, fair play is a system and you and I are systems people. I’m obsessed with the system. And so it’s like, if I never met a checklist or I didn’t, I didn’t like, like, they are just like my favorite thing on earth. So what I love about the fair play system. It’s like very easy to follow and.

I’m here as a coach and consultant to, like, help people if they get stuck. So, this is definitely something you can do on your own, but if you feel like you need somebody to help you stay consistent or implement the system, like, that’s what I’m really good at. So, once you go through all the cards, and you assign all the cards, and all the responsibilities, and you guys talk about what the minimum standard of care is, which is what does it mean to have the dishes be done?

What does it mean to have the laundry be done? Hint, it includes putting it away. Like, I mean, not just

Colie: Oh, I, are you talking to me, Lindsay? Are you talking to me? Because

Lindsay: I am.

Colie: that’s the other thing. My husband does his own laundry. His, his mother raised him well, girl. So he does his own laundry. And at one point he got tired of me not putting away my own clothes or not washing them. So he started washing my clothes.

So I will say like, that’s not an

issue in this household.

Lindsay: so great. Here’s the thing. If both partners. are cool with the laundry living in the dryer, you guys don’t have a problem. That’s awesome. So where the conflict comes in is, do you have different standards of how this should get done? And like, that’s where the fighting starts.

So if you can compromise on what that means, so for example, if your partner leaves their clothes in the dryer until you take them out. Maybe you guys have a conversation and you’re like, hey, don’t love that you leave the clothes in the dryer because it prevents everybody else from doing their laundry.

But I get that you hate putting them away and that’s just never going to be a fight. I’m going to win. So how about we just get you a special laundry basket? And you just can pick your clothes from that laundry basket. Like, instead of it being the dryer, let’s just get you your special laundry basket, and that is your dresser.

Like, that’s your closet. Does that sound like a good idea? And like, that would make me feel happy. Like, I’d be fine with that. I’d be like, as long as it’s not preventing me from doing my laundry, like, I am a okay. So, once you have assigned the task, agreed to what completion actually means, so you don’t get mad at each other, Then comes the accountability, and this is your weekly meeting.

So you actually are meeting for 10 minutes, 20 minutes, however long you feel is doable, every week, to talk about how the household and child care and elder care stuff is going. It also is your opportunity to talk about any upcoming travel, and if you need to, what we call, re deal the tasks. So maybe you’re like, Hey, I know I’m going on a work trip.

You’re going to have to take on da, da, da, da, da, da, da. And that’s going to suck for you for a week. Totally acknowledge that. So when I get back from my trip, I am going to own the wake up with the kids card. I will own the make them breakfast card. I will own the pack them for school card for three days.

To give you like a little break so you can sleep in a little bit. So it gives you that time to do your negotiation, to make sure that everyone’s feeling like it’s fair and having that communication. And that’s the key. If you don’t have that weekly meeting, that’s when the resentment builds up. That’s when people don’t understand what they’re accountable for.

So it’s not only a chance to review what you’re accountable for and And agree is that what we agree on, like this, these are our accountabilities, but it also lets you troubleshoot and communicate about what’s going on with your family. Because a family is just an organization, just like your company, just like your business, like they aren’t different.

And that’s the funny part is like you and your partner are co CEOs of your family. That is what you are. And I think most people are married to wonderful partners. They just don’t have the vernacular, the systems, or the tools to deal with the stress and the overwhelm of running a household. Because most of us, it wasn’t modeled for us.

Like, in my home it definitely wasn’t modeled for me. And so, that’s the key. Is that we have generations and generations and generations of women In particular, women of color that have been carrying the household, child care, elder care burden for so long. And it is a reconditioning, and so for me, I’m so passionate about it because I want to Break the generational cycle, and I want women and men to realize that it’s everyone’s job to care for the household and the children.

And I want my kids to see that. Like, I want my daughters to see that you don’t need to marry a man who doesn’t participate in the home. And that you and my son! To realize that he has to participate in the home. And so, that to me is like my mission. Is that I want my kids to have a fair household. And I want them to keep passing that down to their kids.

And that’s what I want for every household. Like, I’m not a man hater. Like, I actually think most men are great. It’s just that we don’t have the tools and we weren’t taught how to do this.

Colie: it is. So, I mean, I feel like I’m having the biggest aha moment, Lindsay, cause you, you mentioned that 10 minute meeting, right? Okay. I, I instigated that with my virtual assistant, like four months ago, I was like, I’m feeling overwhelmed by each of us knowing what we’re doing every week. Can we have a 15 minute call every Tuesday?

In order to talk about what’s coming up, what I’m going to be responsible for and anything that I need to assign you that might be different from your weekly tasks. And when you were talking, I was like, holy shit, that’s what I do with Sarah. You mean that’s what I should be doing with James? I mean, like maybe.

I feel like a lot of us put a lot of effort into making these systems for our business. And I mean, maybe I’m just in the world of assuming that everybody does this because I set them up for other people. But I do think that some of us probably need to sit down and think about the systems that make our business work well and see if any of those actually apply to our household.

Like,

Lindsay: percent. exactly. Like any, anyone who’s not a solopreneur or like anyone who has staff or contractors or whoever, like we’re, and I think this is why this resonates, Fair Play resonates with women entrepreneurs so much is because we’ve run our businesses like CEOs. And so it’s like, you’re just taking that transferable skillset.

Into the home and bringing your partner in on it. And so no,

Colie: Lindsay, I didn’t

mean to interrupt you.

Lindsay: no, don’t go. I love

Colie: now we need to talk about outsourcing because I just realized as the CEO of my business, when there is shit that I don’t like and that I can’t take care of and that my virtual assistant can do, I find someone else to hire that. And that’s virtually what I do for my household.

Like I told you, I have housekeepers. They come every two weeks. It’s great so that I don’t ever have to clean the bathrooms because I wouldn’t be the person to do it anyways. And it was really funny because I want to say it was back in January, James was like, do you want to think about having the housekeepers come every week?

And I was like, do the housekeepers need to come every week? Like, I was just like, I mean, and maybe that was like a negotiation. Like, was my husband trying to tell me that my house was, you know, too cluttered and too dirty in between. And that actually wasn’t what he said. What he said was, well, he’s like, I know that you don’t have the time to do these things.

And the housekeepers come every two weeks and it’s great. Do you feel like you need more help? Because what he was basically trying to say was, you know, if I feel like I need that help every week, then maybe we should think about it. Maybe we should negotiate it. Maybe we should add it to the budget. I’ve just never really thought about running my household in that way.

And I’ve tried to outsource other things besides the housekeeping. Like I’ve tried meal plans. I’ve tried getting the boxes delivered. And the problem has always been The people in my household don’t want to eat those things. But I was recently on a Facebook group and someone was mentioning like the private chefs and I know this makes me sound very bougie and it’s okay.

You and I are both bougie. It’s

all good. I was reading a post where the private chefs will do your shopping and then come in and actually prepare the meals that you have selected so that you’re not selecting things from a box that like, you’re not sure if your family members will eat. They actually, you know.

Look at your household menus and the recipes that you like to make and all that good stuff. And when I brought it up to James, he like looked at me and he was like, well, if you think you need that, then sure. And I was like, But like, maybe now we should have another negotiation of it because I will say I really enjoy cooking, but depending on my workload, I just

don’t have time for

Lindsay: Same. Yeah, the energy.

Colie: It’s energy. But so if I could get someone to just make the recipes that I know my family will eat, I wouldn’t feel like it was wasted money, which is what I feel like sometimes. Like, and I know we feel like this when we outsource things in our business. It’s like you outsource it and it’s like, are you getting a return on your investment?

Is it something that’s actually like. pushing the needle. And for me, even though the meal planning and the, you know, meals delivered in a box should have met this thing, they weren’t eating it. So then I was making more than one meal anyways, which was defeating the purpose of saving

me time.

Lindsay: It’s yeah, it’s a return on energy and a return on time. And if you’re not getting those and you probably shouldn’t one thing about outsourcing in the household. So a lot of times people will just say, just outsource it. It is not that easy. So, for example, like, my husband’s in charge of the cleaners, or like, the household cleaning, and that means he manages our cleaner that comes in.

So, if we have to reschedule, it’s his job to reschedule it. Like, if, if she needs to get paid, it’s his job to pay her. So, there is still labor involved in outsourcing, and that is something that we need to, like, really be cognizant of, because a lot of times… partners, especially the one that makes more money and is more like free to spend money on things.

They’ll say, well, then just get someone to do it. Just get someone to do it. But there is labor involved in that. Exactly. It is a responsibility still. So. Whether you choose to clean the toilet yourself or hire someone to clean the toilet, we still have to acknowledge that there is invisible labor and labor involved in getting someone to clean the toilet.

The other piece is that you can outsource to your children. And we should be outsourcing to our children, so we can get our kids to own a card. So, for example, my husband owns the dish card in our household, and the kid’s responsibility is to unload the dishwasher. But because he, yeah, but because he owns the dish card, I don’t remind the children to unload the dishwasher.

He reminds them. Because, because it is his card and his

responsibility. So that’s, it removes this like whole undercurrent of invisible labor, it makes the invisible labor visible, of like, no, you own this, like you’re the boss of this. And so many people are like, oh, my husband will never be able to do that, or my partner can never do that.

But it’s like, if they were at work, and their boss said to them, I need you to own social media. Yeah. Or like, own social media marketing, they’re going to know how to do that and they’re going to be able to do it.

Colie: or they’re going to figure it

out.

Lindsay: or they’re going to figure it out, exactly. So it’s like, we can do the same thing at home, it’s definitely not rocket science.

But we just have to be held accountable and know what our accountabilities are.

Colie: Lindsay. I mean, I, I literally don’t know if there’s any other questions that I can ask you. So, I think we’ve already, I think we’ve already covered this, but just in case, because again, I had so many moments while we were chatting. If someone is feeling overwhelmed, like, they don’t have enough time for their business or their self care.

Or they just need a damn vacation. Like what is the first thing that you do in order to broach the subject with your significant other?

Lindsay: The first thing is to figure out the best way to approach them and everyone is different. And every circumstance is different, and that’s also part of what I’m here for, where if you just feel like, I don’t even know how to get here, like, I can help you, like, we can figure out a way to attack the problem, so we aren’t damaging your relationship with your significant other, like, you’re building it, and that’s ultimately what this is all about, it’s like, we want to build intimacy, we want to build That feeling of you guys are on the same team and that you’re not fighting against each other.

So, I offer up a free discovery call. So if you just want to like, chat about if this is something or like, I’m happy to just have an initial conversation. But there’s a lot of resources out there and I offer a ton. The, my mini course, Stop Fighting About the Dishes will, Get into Fair Play, how to broach it with your partner.

And then I also have free cards to download. So like, you have a lot of free resources to just check out. And then if you’re struggling, that’s what I’m here for. But bringing fairness to the home is my passion in life now because I know that it frees up women entrepreneurs potential in business. And like, I couldn’t, yes, and I could not, everyone always asks, how do you do it all?

My answer is that, I don’t. Yes, my answer is always, I have an equal partner at home. And the response I get from women, Oftentimes like, Oh, I know me too. But more often than not, it’s, Oh, I’m so jealous. I wish I had that too. And you can,

Colie: With some communication.

Lindsay: yeah, you just have to have the skills and the communication.

Colie: Lindsay. So we’re going to put it in the show notes, but tell everyone where they can find out more information about you and these free resources that you have offered up.

Lindsay: So find me on on Instagram and then my website, thejoyfulpreneur. com. And I will make sure to get Colie all those links for the goodies in the show notes. Thank you so much for having me. You’re the

Colie: Lindsay, thank you so much for having this conversation. I mean, you know, I feel like I’m one of the people that I can say my husband does his part, you know, and he’s constantly asking what I need. I feel like sometimes he has a sense of that, like when I need something and I’m not actually voicing it, he’s like, okay, you seem really stressed.

Like, what can I do to make it easier for you today? I, sometimes I feel like when he asked me that question, it’s pretty stressful, but in general, I do love that he asks the question, but. I just felt like this was such an important part of the conversation. And, you know, last week’s episode was about mental health.

And so I just think that these two like tie together so well, and I am excited to share them.

Lindsay: Ha ha! Thank you!

Colie: All right, everyone, that’s it for this episode. See you next time.